Because this is so important and I don’t want you to leave this post without getting to the juicy bit, I’m going to start with what I see as the Top 7 Benefits of Listening to your Child:

• You are modelling good listening. If you want your child to listen to you, they have to have learnt that skill from somewhere.
• You are setting a solid foundation for your bond with your child. We feel connected when we feel heard.
• You are demonstrating that you value their thoughts and feelings. How’s that for building self-esteem?
• You are building trust with your child. And trust is key to have a good relationship not only with you, but for others in the future.
• You will help avoid conflict. Conflict often escalates from a lack of understanding or two people being on a different page
• You will help them deal with big feelings/emotions. When your child trusts you and feels heard, and is not judged about so called “bad emotions”, they can let them go more easily.
• You will help them develop empathy. After all, the first part of empathising with others and understanding where they are coming from, and you can’t do that without listening.

Additionally, there is some interesting research out there around responding to your child and how that impacts future confidence and self-esteem levels.

I mean, to me as I was reading it, it just made sense.

Before kids, I had somewhat bought into the idea that babies could be “spoiled” by being held too much and I always felt somewhat guilty as I would snuggle my friends and families babies thinking that I was potentially causing more drama for their parents. At the same time, I was helpless to resist the siren call, and sweet baby smell that these tiny little humans held for me.

Back when my two were tiny little preemies, I was fortunate to have advice from an amazing neonatal developmental specialist who taught me so much and really set us up for success.

This photo was taken back in January 2014 when my twins were just 11 days old. It was the first time I held them at the same time. No makeup, bags under the eyes, but this feeling was pure heaven.

One of those key things was around understanding and responding to our babies needs, particularly given that life on the outside was not the ideal environment for some of their development to occur in.

This world that they were thrust into was the complete opposite of life on the inside, and it was a big, scary place that overloaded them and didn’t make them feel safe. That was now my job.

So now that I had the green light to snuggle my babies as much as I wanted because this was actually a really beneficial part of their development, I was able to let go of any guilt (well some of it… mum guilt is insane!)

And what happened?

I really got to know each of them and all their nuances, as well as what they were trying so desperately to communicate.

And I continued to hold them and respond to their every whimper all throughout their entire first year, and beyond.

I could be in the middle of a conversation, but if my playful baby cooed at me, I stopped talking and cooed back.

I could be fast asleep in the middle of the night, but if I heard my sleeping baby fuss, I was there, comforting them.

Now, this might not seem like that much to some of you, but I’m telling you with two babies at once, that is quite a commitment. Honestly, even with one baby it’s a big ask.

Fast forward 4 years through consistently listening to my children, giving them the attention they are so desperately in need of, and what do I think the result is?

Well, anyone who has met my kids will tell you that they have a firm belief that their voice matters, and that people want to listen to them.

They are never hesitant or shy about making their desires known or expressing themselves.

If I ask them what’s going on with them, they are quick to articulate what is happening in their little world without any doubt that I will be riveted by what I hear.

At this point, listening to them has definitely created kids who feel heard and respected. They feel important and connected.

And aside from any research and what it might tell me, I have developed my own theory.

If you listen to your kids when they are little, and their news is little, you will have a far better chance that they will talk to you when they are big and their news is BIG.

So, because this is so important, I’m going to list it again:

Top 7 Benefits of Listening to your Child:

• You are modelling good listening. If you want your child to listen to you, they have to have learnt that skill from somewhere.
• You are setting a solid foundation for your bond with your child. We feel connected when we feel heard.
• You are demonstrating that you value their thoughts and feelings. How’s that for building self-esteem?
• You are building trust with your child. And trust is key to have a good relationship not only with you, but for others in the future.
• You will help avoid conflict. Conflict often escalates from a lack of understanding or two people being on a different page
• You will help them deal with big feelings/emotions. When your child trusts you and feels heard, and is not judged about so called “bad emotions”, they can let them go more easily.
• You will help them develop empathy. After all, the first part of empathising with others and understanding where they are coming from, and you can’t do that without listening.

All these benefits sound great, right?

So, the next time you’re distracted or stressed, and your child wants to tell you something (most likely for the fifth time), remember the benefits of giving them your undivided attention.

Let’s listen attentively and raise kids who believe that they have a voice that matters in this world.